No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
