You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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