one two three fourrrrnication!
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
