Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
