we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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