3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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