i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We got so high we made milksteak
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
