I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Found your dick twin last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
third nipple confirmed
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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