Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
