Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
