Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
