Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
