So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
