i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I wish you could order shots online.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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