so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
