drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
