I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
home. puking in laundry basket.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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