you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
