He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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