please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
