fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
This house was built for laser tag.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
