Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
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