I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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