I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
4 words: hood of his car
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
