Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
