Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
