Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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