he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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