Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
