Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
