Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
