if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize