I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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