You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize