he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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