How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What a dumb baby whore.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
