Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
