community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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