i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
