at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Randomize
