lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
