apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
