You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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