Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
