I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
