i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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