did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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