I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
