oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
