Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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