Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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