next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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