I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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