...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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