she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
