Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
