I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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