remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
