Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
