so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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