none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
