You're my little dorito
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
