just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
