Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
