i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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