What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
