I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
