i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
