and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
